It was over 4 years ago now but in my mind it still seems like just yesterday. November 2nd, 2006 will always be the one of the worst days of my life & a day I will never forget. It was a Thursday night & I was in Louisville, KY visiting my friend Larry. We were just getting back from the University of Louisville – West Virginia Thursday Night College Football game at Papa John’s stadium. The Cardinals had just won a close game & we were in good spirits as the next day we were on tap to head to Churchill Downs to attend the 2 days of Breeders Cup Championship Horse Races.
As I got out of the car & was walking toward Larry’s Condo, my phone rang and the Caller ID showed it was my mom. My initial reaction was that she must have watched the game and was calling to see if we had a good time & enjoyed the game. My mom has always been an avid sports fan so it didn’t occur to me that anything might be wrong but once I answered that phone call my whole life got turned upside down in a matter of seconds.
Me: “Hi Mom, did you…”
Mom: “MARK, DAD’S DEAD. HE’S DEAD”
I remember very little of the minutes, hours & days that followed that phone call. It’s all kind of a blur now. I remember bits & pieces of it but I remember every detail of getting that phone call. My father was gone just over a month after his 58th birthday.
The first couple years after that night were some of the worst of my life. I was prone to outbursts of anger directed at friends or family members for no good reason; I struggled at work, struggled with the added responsibilities of trying to help my mom understand her financial situation and deal with all the legal aspects of having to close my father’s estate matters & struggled to find joy in almost anything I would do for “fun”.
I can’t pinpoint an exact day or event when I finally started to feel better but sometime after about 3 years I started to find peace & happiness once again. I started to remember the good times I had in my 28 years with my dad. I remembered that there are many people in this world who don’t get 28 years with their fathers and that I should feel blessed for the time I was given to know him.
In the last 6 months or so, those good memories also got me thinking about just how much of my success as an adult is due to both my parents influence and guidance over the years. Both my parents influenced & guided me in so many positive ways, but my dad was particularly influential in my life in several areas.
One of the great lessons my dad taught me was how to manage my finances to try to get ahead and live comfortably while living within my means. My dad spent his last several years working as a Financial Planner & he taught me many things that no school I ever attended taught. As my dad used to tell me: “Mark, money isn’t everything but it’s not nothing either!”
Another area that both my parents stressed was education. My dad worked and paid his own way to get an undergraduate Engineering Degree from Purdue University – Calumet & an MBA from Indiana University Northwest. He was determined that his kids wouldn’t have to work as hard to get their College Degrees and both my parents worked to help pay for all 3 of their children’s college educations. I can never repay them for that opportunity, it has made all the difference in the world & my 4 years at Indiana University in Bloomington were some of the best years of my life. I remember when I graduated just how proud both my parents were & while I didn’t make many good decisions in my teenage years and as a young adult I’m glad I listened to them and always took my education seriously. I would feel terrible if I had squandered all their sacrifice & not done my best.
Finally, my dad was very influential in teaching me the values of hard work, self reliance, individual responsibility & generosity. These lessons were taught both through words and actions. It was the daily example my dad set & how he lived his life that showed me the way but he was always there to provide sound advice, to call me out when I stepped out of line, and to give me an “atta boy” when he knew I needed it. He taught me to be appreciative of what I earn & to be compassionate to help those who need a helping hand. Most importantly though, he taught me the difference between giving someone “a hand up” vs. giving them “a hand out.”
So, you’re probably wondering by now, why I started this blog. Well, first & foremost, my father’s 1st grandchild was born last Thanksgiving. My brother & sister in law have a healthy & beautiful baby girl, Reese. I love my little niece more than I knew was possible but I’m saddened that she will never be able to know her “Grandpa Rick”. So, I hope someday these posts will help her to know the grandfather she never met and what a kind & generous person he was.
Another reason I wanted to start this blog was to share some of the sound financial advice he taught me with others so that it might help them. As I said, my dad taught me that there are more important things than money but if you keep your financial affairs in order it can greatly reduce one’s stress level and give them peace of mind to focus on the more important things in life. Like it or not, the #1 thing people stress over most is their finances. I’ve come to realize more & more over the years just how important those lessons were in terms of the peace of mind I have today. It baffles my mind that these important lessons are not taught at almost any level in our schools.
Finally, I wanted to start this blog so that I would start writing down the lessons & memories my dad taught me. As time goes by, memories start to fade & I never want to forget just how much he meant to me, our family & to my successes in life. He taught me the importance of helping others & I hope this blog is my chance to help others know him & the principles he taught me that have helped me become the successful man I am today.
Lessons from Dad are my tribute to my father, mentor & friend whom I miss dearly every day. It’s my way of trying to say: “Thanks Dad!”
